The Cigar Sasquatch

This review of the Diesel Unlimited d5 is presented courtesy of the Stogie Boys, the fastest growing online cigar retailer in America.

The Cigar Sasquatch isn’t much for sports, either watching or doing. I try to stay active (certainly not as much as I should), but certain exceptions aside (the Olympics and championship tennis), I would rather read a book or converse with fellow BOTLs while smoking a cigar, without the distractions of meaningless athletic entanglements to detract from the experience. There is, however, one sport that I come back to time and again. It’s not much for spectators, nor does it offer something for everyone, but it still appeals to the competitor in me. It’s the sport of paintball.

Paintball is a so-called “action sport” in which players with air- or gas-operated “markers” attempt to tag each other with dye-filled capsules. Okay, that’s the official description. What really happens is, you and your buddies go out and shoot a bunch of other players (and sometimes each other) with these increasingly sophisticated paint guns. They’re capable of making dozens of shots per second, and when you’re on the receiving end, they leave nasty (and abundant) glowing red welts.

Diesel Unlimited d5 (5½x54)

I’ve enjoyed this sport on and off with varying intensity over many years, and in several iterations, but there are some members of our regular group who have played relatively uninterrupted for 20 years or more. And there’s one old guy in particular who regularly (and notoriously) provides the proof in the saying that old age and trickery will overcome youth and enthusiasm almost every time.

Now when I say “trickery,” I don’t mean cheating or treachery, although that sometimes happens on both ends of the paint gun. No, I’m specifically referring to the kind of devious fair play that made playing chess with your grandfather so infuriating. It’s hard to describe it in action, but you know it when it hits you, and it usually results from you trying to stay a step ahead of a very worthy adversary. Just when you thought you were getting the upper-hand, you get nailed from the side, from a spot you previously thought was clear.

Well, this guy is famous for that, for lying low, for disguising his play, and for popping up where you least expect it. He’s great to have on your side, but he’s a nightmare to play against.

It was with that mindset that I went into a recent paintball session, my first after a long absence from the game. I knew I would have to face him; the 6 of us in our group are all pretty solid players, and any sorting of teams with all of us on one side would be painfully unbalanced in our favor against the rest of the walk-ons. So I made up my mind to play my game and have a good time whatever else happened. And if he got the better of me, then I would try to learn from it, and maybe be a tougher target next time.

And have a good time, we did. And face him, I did. Over and over again, in fact. And he is sneaky. But I learned a few things throughout the day. First, I’m not as young as I used to be, and by that I mean, I can’t play as hard as I used to. But it also means that I’ve got a lot more trickery up my sleeve than I used to. I think the two are complimentary traits. You need the trickery as you get older, because you can’t play as hard. And as you play hard in your youth, you learn what skills are important to employ, and which of your efforts are merely empty exuberance, better discarded in favor of icy-cold strategy.

In the end I’m glad to say he didn’t outplay me like he used to. In fact, I would say we were pretty well matched. He certainly lived up to his reputation, but I also took a few strides towards building up a reputation of my own.

The Diesel Unlimited d5 (5½x54) comes with an intimidating reputation of its own. Full or ligeros, dripping with oils, you’d think it was rolled with gunpowder in the filler and habaneros in the wrapper. The follow-up to the much-heralded original Diesel from blending superstar AJ Fernandez, it promises power, body, potency, and whatever other superlative you can conjure to describe a cigar’s strength. “Save it for after a big meal,” they said (I did). “Don’t drink too much whiskey with it,” they said (I only drink water while tasting cigars for reviews). And you know what I found? This is one hell of a smooth cigar!

It comes back to balance, which I covered extensively while reviewing the Diesel Unholy Cocktail (no surprise that AJ Fernandez hits another full-flavored, delightfully smooth grand-slam). Yes, there’s power there, but there’s also depth and complexity, and a remarkably delicious palate of flavors, ranging from rich, hearty tastes of smoked meats and roasted nuts, mellow, round oaky flavors, a touch of spice that grazes the back of the palate, and a hint of caramelized sweetness on the finish, to round out the complex and lively smoke.

The blend, which comes courtesy of The Stogie Boys features Nicaraguan fillers from Esteli and Condega, with a San Andreas leaf added for contrast, all wrapped in a Honduran Ligero binder and capa. The roll is solid and meaty, and the burn is straight throughout. The ash is white, and easily holds to an inch or more with nice double cones. The draw is dead-even (0) from a cap cut, delivering a modest smoke volume (-1) of above average strength (4). I found it no more powerful than the original Diesel blend. The Robusto-sized d5 smokes to an inch and a half nub in about 85 minutes.

And through it all, it remains smooth as silk, a smoothness that belies the menacing reputation of this towering blend. It’s a testament to the subtle skills of the blender, delivering a robust smoke, rich in flavor and bold in character, but buttery-smooth in texture and even-tempered throughout. I easily rate it 9.3, a great cigar for after lunch or after dinner, and an excellent pair with your best sipping Bourbon.

Don’t be intimidated by this incredible blend. Show it due respect, but have a little faith. And keep in mind, you’re not as young as you used to be.

Until next time, this is the Cigar Sasquatch saying, “Love what you smoke, and smoke what you love.”